Friday, February 1, 2013

Valentines Day for your husband

Happy Valentines Month-

How can we Celebrate Valentines Day with our Husbands?

TAKE INITIATIVE and LOSE SELFISH EXPECTATIONS


Do you love Valentines Day? I love any reason to Celebrate Life! But.... I've had to learn a few things about my husband and Valentines day :)


Do something that he likes.

Don't stress over making sure you have the most creative "pinterestable" gift out there.

Just love him.

Keep it Simple.

Take the Initiative and plan a day that you know he would enjoy!



Here's what I've learned in the past 8 years...

1. Show your MAN love the way he wants/needs to be loved.......Little heart shaped construction paper is not my husbands LOVE LANGUAGE. I've learned that showing him love is not about what I want. But it is about keeping his needs/wants first priority.

2. LOSE YOUR EXPECTATIONS   We are all human sinners who mess up daily. We do not live in a Disney Fairy Tale princess story. To truly LOVE someone is to Love Actively without expecting something in return. That is unconditional, sacrificial love.

So with that being said........
What am I going to do for my husband this Valentines Day.
How will we celebrate our Love for each other?

By keeping it Simple- Not falling into the "commercialism trap" and simply enjoying each other.
Don't Stress! Just have fun :)

DATE NIGHT:

  • What better way than to go out on a date and just hang with your best friend? Celebrate enjoying each others time, company, and conversation. 

MOVIES:

  • I'm going to take him to the movies. This is something he loves to do..... But never has time to do.

EAT:

  • I'm going to take him to eat at a place he likes to eat... Buffet's... (GAG! I HATE buffet's... but he loves them)

BREAKFAST:

  • I found this on Pinterest and plan to do this! He will love it! I will set it out by the coffee pot for him to find in the morning. I love Play On Words with Food :)  I do stuff like this often at our house. I know... I'm cheesey :) 


RESPECT:

  • I'm going to Respect him and pump his ego :)... Have you ever read Love and Respect?... It's a good one! Men want to be respected...... not necessarily pampered. So I will let him know what a great husband, provider, friend, father, and man he is. Here's how you can do just that-
    • Send Text Messages 
    • Emails
    • Tell Him Face to Face
    • Praise Him at Dinner in front of the kids
      • USE SPECIFICS "Thank you for being such a hard worker and providing for our family" "Thank you for being such a good daddy", "You did a really good job_________ today" 
GIFT:
  • There are a number of gifts that you could get your husband to try and say "I Love You".... but ........ most of those seasonal gifts my husband personally doesn't care for. So I will just get him something he has been wanting.
    • We have a sheet of paper taped up secretly in our house title "Secret Surprises for Each Other"  As we think of something we might want/need we add it to the list. It makes gift buying so much easier! There are also small things on the list for "just because surprise gifts" (my personal favorite!) We always have a reference sheet of ideas. This has been extremely helpful for us! My husband puts stuff on this list that I've never heard of, new existed, or would even think about getting him on my own.
      • Gifts are always still a surprise because we never know what might come off the list! (and we don't always follow it) 



I'm going to show him Love the way he likes to be loved.... Have you ever read the 5 Love Languages? I recommend it... My problem was that I was showing Love the way I liked to be loved... Not the way he liked to be loved.


Sounds simple doesn't it? 
It's nothing extravagant and crazy. But it's what he enjoys, likes, and appreciates. Something doesn't have to take LOADS OF TIME AND EFFORT to be special. It just takes putting the other person's thoughts and interests first.....

Honestly all the great ideas on Pinterest to do for your husband ... You know all those crafty little things .. Honestly would take me a long time to do and My Sweet Man wouldn't even care. So why waste my precious time.... Instead do something that HE LIKES and will actually enjoy!


Let me just tell you the story of our First Year......


Our first year of marriage I spent almost 4 hours decorating our apartment in cheesy signs and notes.... I posted them ALL over our tree house college apartment.  I expected my husband to come in Wowed and in AWE of all the work and effort I had put into hanging up heart shaped construction paper all over our apartment (and not with the goal of making it look tacky lol) I wanted him to feel loved and special. I wanted somehow the time and effort I put into all of that to just scream to him "I love you and you are appreciated"...... But all he said was "cool". He did not spend the next couple of hours telling me how glad he was that I spent all that time doing that for him. He did not give me the "response" that I was hoping for.  I subconsciously expected him to go on and on about how much he appreciated my time and effort. Somehow I was thinking that spending several hours using decorative scrap-booking scissors to make cheesy notes all over our apartment was going to let my man know how much I loved him...... Oh how much I've learned these past 8 years of marriage!!! lol lol!!! (Can I just throw in a disclaimer here that I was 19 and a sophomore in college at the time.... Does that excuse any of my cheesiness???? )

And..... to go on with the story... He did not even acknowledge the day!!!! My first Valentines Day as a married gal.... My expectations were HIGH. I expected it to be so romantic. Flowers delivered to class, a surprise romantic trip... (that he packed my bags for and just whisked me away too), special dinner reservations with an extravagant surprise thoughtful gift........ But wait!... What!?!? None of that happened.... I was in our apartment that afternoon (between class and work) putting together my notes everywhere while he was at his job. I was day dreaming of all the sweet things he had up his sleeve.... 9pm passed, 10pm passed...... Still no call or acknowledgment of the day.. But I wasn't worried I knew he had something magical up his sleeve. Finally he comes home.......
Still no acknowledgment.... WHAT!

So I did what every mature,  young married girl would do. I threw an embarrassing fit.
Happy 1st Valentines Day!

Do you see a problem with this picture? Yes... Me too...
The problem was me. 1.  I was trying to show love to my best friend/husband in a way that really didn't speak to him and 2. I had expectations of what I should be getting. I was all about me. (in the deep corners of my true heart)

** (Let me just throw in a disclaimer that he had something great  planned for us on February 15th that year.... since we were both off work that day. I really showed my immaturity by jumping to conclusions and not being patient. I felt terrible!)** Now it's a joke at our house that we celebrate Happy February the 15th Day.





Put your man first this year and take the initiative to celebrate your love for Him.   Don't just sit around and wait for him to do everything for you.

Do something that he likes.
Don't stress over making sure you have the most creative "pinterestable" gift out there.
Just love him.


 Take a proactive UNSELFISH role in letting him know that you love him. 
Keep it Simple- Plan a Day/Afternoon that you know he would like!


6 comments:

  1. What a great post and you are so right - men are just different than women!! I love your ideas, especially the surprise gift list...I can see where that would be really helpful.

    Also, I'm going to have to pick up the book you mentioned. They sound like good reads!

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    1. The surprise gift list has been great! :) :) Someone got us that book when we were first married- It was so insightful:) :)

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  2. Words of truth right here! Loved your post! And I think both of the books you recommended are great, they are both in our little library. :)

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    Replies
    1. Our first Valentines was in our Tree House apartment :) :) You should've seen it! lol lol! I had stuff posted everywhere all over that little place:)

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  3. I am popping over from The Southern Girls Heart : )

    Great ideas. And something I really need to mull over. After 12 years of marriage and 3 wild little ones, Valentine's Day is often something we overlook. But what an opportunity to show my man some love : )

    Blessings to you.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment:) We too sometimes just overlook V-day. It is right in the busiest time of basketball season. (My husband is a coach) and like you we have littles running around! Keeping it simple seems to work best for us:) :)

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